October the 10th was World Mental Health Day and this year’s theme was dignity. I originally thought this didn’t apply to my situation because I am, mostly, dignified whilst being ill and treated with dignity, or so I thought. I started this post by looking up the definition which I found to be as follows:
Dignity – The state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.
As soon as I read that, I realised that I was wrong – while I may behave in a dignified manner, I’ve certainly not always been treated in a dignified way and have often not felt worthy of honour or respect because of the way I’ve been behaved towards.
Dignity is something that is often overlooked when treating people with mental health problems and we are often not given the respect we deserve. Sadly, this behaviour is often directed towards us by the very people who we have sought help from, who are trained to deal with our conditions and who we are reliant upon to offer or refer us for treatment. Is it any wonder then that it takes most people such a long time to even go to their GP when they suspect they may be mentally ill? Stigma is still rife within our society and while it is improving and openly stigmatic behaviour is starting to reduce, there is still a really long way to go and unfortunately, nowhere is this more necessary than within the medical community.
My experience of seeking treatment has been very varied and it’s often a very lengthy process. Even when I’ve gone to my GP about physical problems, I’m often disbelieved or it’s assumed that my symptoms are psychosomatic or even made up – all because I have a mental illness. I’m regularly talked down to, patronised and treated with condescension and this has very much put me off doctors and seeking help unless I really have to because I simply don’t have the energy to fight for someone, who should be understanding and sympathetic, to even believe me. Couple with this, the responses I’ve had from doctors when attempting to get a diagnosis or treatment for my mental illnesses and we’ve got one hell of a problem.
A month before I turned 16, circumstances in my life led to me feeling incredibly sad and low and unable to cope anymore, pretty much over night. Mental illness was not something that had featured in my life up until that point – none of my relatives or friends were ill to my knowledge and my only experience was that of over-hyped and dramatized portrayals in the media of violent offenders and people muttering to themselves and rocking whilst strapped into straight-jackets in padded cells. So when I started feeling low and it didn’t go away, I didn’t know what to do. I thought people would think I was silly and that I should just be able to cheer myself up because nothing terrible had happened, no one had died, I hadn’t been attacked, things were just going wrong at home. Eventually, after 2 months of never feeling better, I finally plucked up the courage to go to the doctors. I thought I was going to get sectioned or medicated but I didn’t know what else to do and the thoughts I was having were starting to scare me. I explained to my GP what was wrong and that this wasn’t normal for me. After 10 minutes she told me that it was “January Blues” and “every teenager in the country is feeling like this at the moment”. I said to her at the time that there would be a lot of suicides if that were the case but I was sent home and she did nothing. Two months later I went back, I’d started self-harming and was feeling suicidal every day, she took one look at me and referred me to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service because I was very ill and needed help. The first doctor I met there was great, he treated me like a person and was very respectful and understanding about how bad I was feeling and that something needed to be done about it. I wasn’t so lucky with any of the other staff I met there. I was allocated a nurse who I saw once a week who spoke to me like a child and contradicted me every time I said I was feeling worse. I was put on medication more than once and never monitored properly and then told off and admonished when I took myself off it because it was making me suicidal and I felt unsafe. I felt like a naughty child, not a 16-year-old who clearly knew their own mind and felt in danger.
Fast forward to 18 months ago and dignity was thrown out the window by my new GP who decided that telling me to “try harder” whilst dealing with crippling side effects from medications that were later described by a psychiatrist as “virtually poisoning you”, was the best way forward. I practically had to beg her to even refer me to a psychiatrist despite having a history of medication-resistant depression because she felt that I didn’t need one and she was doing a “perfectly good job of treating me herself”. Eventually she conceded and I was able to see a psychiatrist. This has been a good and bad experience. I’ve been lied to, fobbed off, ignored, disbelieved and dismissed. At points I’ve been spoken to like the knowledgeable, well-educated adult that I am who is well aware of the limitations of the NHS and who has studied, worked in and experienced as a patient, the mental health services in this country. But that has been rare. Instead of treating me with dignity and respect, most decisions about my treatment are made without me, often without my knowledge and my very character is often questioned when it’s assumed that my conditions simply can’t be as bad as I’m describing. I highly doubt cancer patients are treated like this when vomiting because of chemo or dealing with hair loss – are they told by doctors to just “try harder” or “stop focusing on the negative thoughts”? I think not! So why am I? Why am I dismissed and treated with so little respect?
It’s clear that many doctors have never been mentally ill, and they’re very lucky. But for those of us that are, it’s hard enough trying to deal with the conditions we have and the things that go hand-in-hand with that like low self-esteem and self-worth without having to deal with doctors judging us, accusing us of faking it, exaggerating, or causing it ourselves. It’s so hard to pluck up the courage to even go to the GP and admit that there’s a problem that you can no longer cope with or hide, without fearing how they might react to you. In an ideal world, we would all be treated as human beings, with dignity and respect, regardless of what symptoms or conditions we have. But currently, this isn’t the case. Something has got to change. Medical professionals, especially those that don’t work in frontline mental health services, are vastly ill-equipped and under-trained to deal with mental illness and instead of seeing people like me as people who are ill, they just seem to see us as walking labels. They still seem to have hugely stigmatic beliefs about us being in control of our conditions and able to just “snap out of it” or “pull ourselves together” and we’re treated accordingly, with disdain, coldness and even aggression sometimes.
First and foremost I’m a human being. After that, I’m many many things – I’m Lucy, I’m female, I’m 24 years old, I’m kind and caring, I’m creative, I’m a great friend. I’m also mentally ill but I’m not those conditions. I’m not anxiety, I’m not depression – I have those, but I’m not them. I am a human being and that entitles me to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of what conditions I might have. The sooner I’m viewed as a person rather than a list of symptoms, the sooner I’ll be viewed as someone who is suffering and should be treated with dignity rather than a problem that needs to fixed or made to “see sense”. I might be mentally ill but I’m not mad, I don’t lie, I don’t make things up, I’m completely rational. If I say I’m ill, if I say I’m suffering then I’m not trying to gain another label or diagnosis for fun – I don’t get points for it, they certainly don’t convert to prizes. The only reason I seek diagnosis is in the vain hope that it might lead to treatment. Being spoken to in such a dismissive way has stopped me seeking help for most of my conditions and has had a major impact on my self-esteem because it makes me feel less of a person to have a doctor questioning me and treating me with so little respect.
Finally, while I’ve focused on the medical profession within this post, they are certainly not the only people that have not treated me with the dignity and respect I deserve. As you’ll have read in previous blog posts, I’ve been treated disrespectfully by a whole host of people throughout my time as an ill person and this has got to change. You can be that change. Next time you’re talking to someone who’s mentally ill, really listen to what they’re saying, don’t try to fix it, dismiss it, or make them see the positive – just listen. Then think about how you would want someone to respond if you’d just said all of that and were feeling that way. Chances are, you’d just want to be acknowledged, to be accepted and to feel heard. Most of all, you’d want to be treated with Dignity and Respect – you’d want to be Treated Like a Human Being. Be that change today!
N.B – A huge thanks goes to Steve “Squidoodle” Turner for his amazing Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbon Colouring Page which I coloured in green for Mental Health Awareness. If you’d like to get a copy to colour yourself, he’s generously offered it as a free download on his Facebook Page which can be found here. Enjoy and help raise awareness!
I’ve spent about ten years trying to be taken seriously for my anxiety and depression and its only in the last year that progress is finally being made. I was told so many times that I was over reacting, that I was homesick or it was just teenage “hormones” or that it was just stressed. Even when I made suicide attempts and self harmed constantly. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I received an official diagnoses of severe depression and anxiety. So I just wanted to say thank you, you are so brave and reading your blog through all this has really inspired me. You give me hope that I can still accomplish the things I want to and put myself out there and its wonderful to see another person say yes I have a mental illness but it does not define me and I am so much more than that. Thank you for being you xxx.
I’m so sorry it’s taken so long for you to get properly diagnosed. The mental health system is falling apart at the moment. Thank you so much for reading my blog and for commenting. It means so much to hear that I’ve helped in some small way and that I’m inspiring others in some way. You definitely should have hope, much as it’s hard to hold onto it sometimes, there is always hope and there are always people around who love you and care about you and will help drag you out when you feel like you’re drowning. You will definitely accomplish things, sometimes we just have to do things a little slower and a little differently but despite being stuck at home, I’m certainly not giving up on helping other people like me and making a difference and you shouldn’t give up on your dreams either, just keep taking one step at a time towards them. I know people say it all the time, but I truly mean it when I say this, if you ever need someone to chat to, distract you or cheer you up, just get in touch and I’ll do what I can! I know we don’t know each other well but from one ill person to another, I’m sure we have more in common than we realise and I hate the idea of someone I know suffering and me not trying to help so just shout if you ever need anything. You guys must come to stay with us some time and we can get to know each other and do crafty stuff together or something. Lots and lots of love to you, stay strong, to have fought for 10 years is incredible! Always here if you need me 🙂 xxx
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I cant put into words how lovely it is to read this so thank you, i got a bit tearful actually! You are so brave and I find it so inspiring, its such a shame we didnt get to know each other better when you were here but I would love to come and see you and Joe I know Damon definitely would love too. I’ve actually been colouring in the book he got from you with his ridiculous entry in your competition! It is so good for calming down anxiety attacks its unreal 🙂 Thank you for the offer, it means a lot and I mean the same to you too, I think it’s such a good thing to be able to talk to people who know what you’re going through, it really helps. lots of love to you and keep being awesome, I love reading your blog and reviews! 🙂 xxx
Oh, I didn’t mean to make you cry, I’m hoping they were happy tears though! I’m so glad you’re enjoying colouring, it’s great for anxiety isn’t it?! When you come and visit you can have a look through all of the books I’ve got and see what suits you because there are some really gorgeous ones. I’ve also got plenty that aren’t my cup of tea and if you like them you’re very welcome to have a couple so they’re not sitting gathering dust on my shelf. It’s definitely good to be able to talk to others with similar experiences, so that if nothing else, we feel less alone. I’m so glad you like the blog and reviews. I’ve been slacking this week because we had no internet for a couple of days and I’m not so keen on writing reviews as colouring for them so I need to get writing and uploading so I’m sure there will be another new batch to read very soon! Lots of love and I can’t wait to be able to have a colouring and crafty date some time when you guys are free to visit. It’s a shame we didn’t get to know each other in Cambridge, but we can definitely make up for lost time! 🙂 xxx
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