Things I Should Have Said

This post is inspired by a recent hashtag that did the rounds on Twitter #thingsishouldhavesaid. This really resonated with me and after reading countless posts from mentally ill people wishing they’d been able to say some really poignant, thought-provoking and often heart-breaking things, I wondered what I wished I could have said at certain points in my life and during certain conversations. I jotted down a couple and then the floodgates opened and I realised there were a lot of things I thought I should have said over the years so here they are, in no particular order, these are the things I should have said and I hope that someday I might be able to say some of them when I need to. Please feel free to add your own #thingsishouldhavesaid in the comments below, I’d be very interested in reading them.

I’m sorry you thought I wasn’t enough, now I think it too.

Please stop treating me like that, I don’t deserve it.

Just because you can’t see me trying doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Just because I don’t always succeed, doesn’t mean I didn’t try.

Telling me to change is almost always for your benefit rather than mine.

Yes, I have tried thinking positively.

Yes, I have tried medication. No, it didn’t work.

Yes, I have tried praying, going to church and reading the bible, it hasn’t worked.

Please stop making me prove myself.

Please just believe me.

Please trust me, I’m not making this up!

Please stop making me feel like a failure, just because I haven’t improved.

Please stop assuming I’ve recovered just because I’ve taken one small step forwards.

Please stop assuming that the NHS help everyone, this is not the case and I’m too ill to engage with treatment outside my home and contrary to popular belief, the treatment doesn’t come to you.

Please just let me be me!

Support is the best gift you can offer.

You don’t need to know the right words to say, the best things to do, or have all of the answers, just be there for me – online, on the phone, or in person, I can do the rest!

I might be used to this but it doesn’t get easier, I’ve just learnt to tolerate more difficulty and hardship than I ever wanted to imagine was possible.

This isn’t a lesson I needed or wanted to learn.

This isn’t “part of God’s plan”.

This isn’t my fault and I don’t appreciate being told that it is.

You might not be able to handle this but imagine how I feel, I don’t get to escape or bury my head in the sand, burying myself makes no difference to the incessant anxiety swirling around in my head.

Reading my blog does not constitute support.

Reading my blog doesn’t count as being there for me.

Reading my blog shouldn’t substitute actually talking to me, and yet for some of my ‘friends’ it does.

I am lonely.

I think about suicide often and sometimes wish I was brave enough to do it.

I blame myself often. I don’t need you doing this too.

Thinking positively doesn’t make this easier.

Smiling doesn’t make me feel better or make my condition go away, it just makes it less visible to you.

My circumstances have changed, but I haven’t. You’d see that if you still bothered to talk to me.

I know it’s difficult to know what to say to me but please try, I’m the same person I’ve always been.

I feel like a burden.

I know I am a burden. Please stop pointing out how difficult it must be for those around me to deal with, I know it is and I feel guilty every day, I don’t need you making me feel worse.

I know I’ve been ill a long time but please don’t give up on me. I feel like giving up most days but knowing that people around me believe in me and believe I’ll get better is what helps keep me hanging on.

I am motivated, determined, and strong and I am doing everything in my power to recover and get well. I am fighting this with everything I have and I have not given up!

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4 comments

  1. #thingsishouldhavesaid
    I know that my situation could be worse, but telling me that makes me feel more depressed not an image of perspective.

    Just have a nice evening to yourself and you will soon cheer up

    When I say that my husband needs a rest from being around me, I am being serious, please don’t laugh as if I am making a silly joke on the quirks of marriage.

    When I cry for no reason it is the rain cloud of depression in my head leaking, there isn’t a reason.

    Dont be offended by my silence when I cant speak for greif

    Like

    1. Hi Amy,
      Thanks so much for such a lovely comment and well done you for writing your own version, I know just how hard that is and it took me over 2 months to publish it after writing it at the beginning of May so well done you for biting the bullet and putting it out there! I left you a comment on your post and look forward to reading more from your blog. I’m so pleased you like my colouring blog too, you might want to check out my FB page, I interact a lot with everyone there and I love to see people’s colouring etc, you’d be very welcome! Best wishes, Lucy x https://www.facebook.com/colouringinthemidstofmadness/

      Like

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